dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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