there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Randomize
