so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
