I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I just want to make out with him forever
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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