On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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