I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
