She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
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