Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
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