Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Randomize
