Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
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