I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
