Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
