we have officially lost it.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Randomize
