all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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