Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Randomize
