I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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