He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
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