I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
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