You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
