what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Randomize
