I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
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