I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
