I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
