i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
Randomize
