You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Randomize
