So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
