I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
