to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
