She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
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