just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
