you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Randomize
