I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
