STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
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