I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
We need to get me chipped asap
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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