Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
