I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Randomize
