last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
