well I can't set my house on fire every night
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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