Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
