it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
