he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
