Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
