Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
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