The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Randomize
