Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Dicks are not precious.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
