wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
