worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Someone came in the potted fern
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
