8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
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