you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
