I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
