sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Randomize
