I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
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