What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Randomize
