I'll bet she douches with gravy.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
Randomize
