i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Randomize
