I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
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