I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Randomize
