Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
